Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Dee Dinner Date Night-Slice of Life July 14, 2015


It started as a small gesture in navigating a "new normal".  I'm a doer.  I see a need and I want to do something to help. So I offered to make dinner for my father-in-law, having my husband and I join him on the first night he would be at home...alone...for the first time in almost sixty-six years. I had no idea what this one small gesture would become for me.

My mother-in-law passed away in April. April 25th. 5 days before her 84th birthday and 5 months before her 66th wedding anniversary. After her faith in God, her family was most important to her. She was always most happy surrounded by her children and their families. 

That first Tuesday I made homemade chicken pot pie. The three of us had dinner together. Tuesday arrived again. I called my father-in-law and invited him to come over to our house for dinner. The three of us had dinner together.  Lasagna was on the menu. Tuesday arrived again. And...well... it's just become what we do. Dee Dinner Date Night. Every Tuesday.  

Friends and family members say things like, "That's so thoughtful of you." or "What a nice thing to do for your father-in-law." But as I was prepping dinner last Tuesday, I started thinking about how it's become so much more than that. 

It's reignited my love of cooking. I'm enjoying coming up with a new menu each Tuesday. I scour cookbooks and websites, looking for new recipes to try each week. I try to make everything from scratch. I make sure to cook more than we can eat, sending home enough leftovers for another dinner for my father-in-law later in the week.  It's like new self imposed challenge each week.

It's my way of showing my husband, my father-in-law, (and even the immediate family) that I hurt with them in their loss.  I feel the void, not in the exact way they do. Their history with her is much longer than mine. But I feel the void. And I loved her, just as they loved her. Our dinner conversations always include stories about her...and just by sharing these memories together, we heal a little bit.

And in this small gesture...making dinner...I remember and honor my mother-in-law. I find myself thinking about her as I'm prepping meals each week.  I remember how much she loved sitting at the table, with family all around, sharing home cooked meals together. I can hear the pride in her voice when she talked about her children, her grandchildren, and her great-grandchildren.  I remember her style of cooking...no measuring...but a little of this and a little of that, tasting as she would go...and I smile. 

Dee Dinner Date Night connects me to her. And as I prepare the meal, set the dinner table, and prepare to welcome them both to the table each Tuesday evening, I'm saying to her

"I know how much you loved them, your husband and your youngest son. And I'll continue showing them love...just as you did...in the doing."


You can find more Slice of Life Posts by visiting The Two Writing Teachers.

29 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post from a beautiful person. I hope someday to be remembered with such love.

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    1. Thank you so much Bernadette, for your kind words.

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  2. I love that you're doing this. There is so much power in shared meal isn't there? And it reminds me that small gestures aren't so small. Beautiful!

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    1. Sharing a meal grounds us. I'm thankful for that, especially during a time of loss.

      Thank you for reading!
      Susan

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  3. Wow. Amazing post. Your mother-in-law is surely smiling down.

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    1. I sure hope so! She worried most about her family, that they would be okay when she was gone. She wove a strong thread of being together in her family.

      Thank you for reading, commenting, and encouraging. It means a lot to me!
      Susan

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  4. Susan- This piece made me cry! A beautiful piece of writing. And maybe more importantly a beautiful piece of living! What a special gift you are giving to your father-in-law, or really to all three of you. I know he appreciates having someone to eat with, and to talk to, and the sharing of stories. Thank you for helping me remember what is really important. You make me want to invite someone to dinner this week!

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    1. Carol,
      Thank you so much for your kind words. I really love that idea..."a piece of living". I hadn't thought about like that, but it's true. We remember her best by going on living.

      Thank you for reading!
      Susan

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  5. As I read your post, it came through loud and clear...that dinner is so much more!! Thank you for sharing. You and your family umpire me.

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    1. Thank you Sally! Making time for our family is best gift we can give. I'm grateful that this piece inspires that in you.

      Thank you for reading!
      Susan

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  6. Wow Susan - this made me think so much about my own Dad and wish he was still alive so I could do this for him now . . . When I was younger I was too self-centered or selfish I guess to think of it. I hope your post stimulates others to do the very same thing . . before it's too late.
    This is just so lovely and thoughtful and you!

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    1. Oh Mary Lou, we are always hardest on ourselves. I'm realizing that there is no 'right' way to deal with grief, you just walk it one day at time. And next to losing a child, losing a parent, especially one with whom you were so close, is never easy to navigate. Be kind to yourself.

      If sharing my slice stimulates a reader to do the same, it just continues to honor my mother-in-law. I hope that happens too. We only have now.

      Thank you for reading & commenting!
      Hugs,
      Susan

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  7. I love this an so get it being a "doer" too!
    I love that you are keeping her love alive by caring for those she loved.

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    1. Thank you so much! I read this piece out loud to my husband last night. He had no idea. I'm glad I could share this piece with him.

      Thank you for reading & commenting!
      Susan

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  8. I think Carol said it best -- a beautiful piece of living to continue showing so much love.

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    1. Thank you, Michelle! She loved her family so, so much!

      Thank you for reading & commenting!
      Susan

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  9. Susan, thank you for sharing these times with us. It is a beautiful piece that captures family love. You are indeed wonderful to do this, but I understand how much it means to you, too. What gifts we give freely for family are wonderful things. I imagine your mother-in-law is smiling, too, like the rest of us who are reading.

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    1. Thank you, Linda.

      I've been thinking about how these dinners are creating new memories for us. Moments that bind us together.

      Thank you for reading & commenting.
      Susan

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  10. Oh, Susan! What a beautiful story you told here. And of course I remember riding in the car with you in Boothbay as you mentioned that you had recently lost your mother-in-law.
    This is such a sweet, loving, respectful story. I remember yesterday when you asked FB which cake to make for Dee Dinner Date Night. I assumed it was something you and your husband did, just the two of you. So of course, someone voted for the Italian LOVE cake, and that made sense. Now hearing the real story, it gives it a whole new meaning, doesn't it?
    Thank you for sharing this with us.

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    1. Allison,
      It was nice to be able to talk about loss with you on our brief car ride. Sharing what you learned in losing your mother helped me too. Yes, the FB posts haven't really told the whole story, but I'm glad I have this outlet to share.
      Thank you for reading & commenting,
      Hugs,
      Susan

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  11. "It's reignited my love of cooking." I love this quiet statement in the middle, how your act of kindness also became so meaningful to you. It is beautiful how you found something that connects you to the person you will always miss and helps the whole family heal.

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    1. Diane,
      I think that moment, as I was prepping, and realize how much this really has meant to me was the seed for this piece of writing. I've "crafted" it so many ways. I hope I did it justice.

      Thank you for reading & commenting.
      Susan

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  12. This is such a beautiful post! You are a truly remarkable person. What kindness you show and what a gift to your husband, his dad, and family. What a beautiful tribute through action! I am so delighted you are Slicing here! Your voice is so appreciated.

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    1. Hi Kathleen,
      Watching my husband and his family go through the death process with her was so heart wrenching. So much love. Cooking dinner once a week seems like such an insignificant thing, but through writing I'm seeing how much it really means to me. I'm thankful to have this venue...and encouraging friend such as you, as I write.

      Thank you for reading & commenting.
      Susan

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  13. What a beautiful slice of life.

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  14. What a beautiful way to show your love, stay connected, and build new memories!

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  15. This is such a beautiful post, Susan! Your husband and father-in-law must be so appreciative of you and I can't think of a better way to show your love than cooking for them.

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  16. Susan,
    Your act of kindness is beautiful and clearly comes straight from your soul. What you're doing for others is so powerful and beyond words.
    It is truly a beautiful story!

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